STUKA SQUADRON or THE SQUADRON is the name given to The Vampire War Machine - a band of vampire warriors who have fought through the ages on innumerable battlefields and enjoyed adventures across the world against adversaries both mortal and immoirtal. The name celebrates our most recent wartime incarnation, but our bloody bootprints echo through the pages of history.
Being vampires there are lots of things we like about war. We like it more than almost anything - except maybe gold and sucking blood out of girls (which we really like a lot). In the last one there were things on fire all over the place. Massive explosions. Dead people all the time. It was really great. We fought in lots in massive battles, almost always against overwhelming odds and against our worst enemies, RUSSIANS, WEREWOLVES, RUSSIAN WEREWOLVES and THE ENEMY WITHIN - the renegade vampire and our greatest adversary ZABULON.
Although all good things have to come to an end, and that war is over (for now) our mission remains incomplete, WORLD DOMINATION, albeit our choice of VENGEANCE WEAPON has changed from our beloved JU-87 Stuka to the most devastating weapon of the 21st century - HEAVY METAL!
Following our revival in 2008 we once again fought against overwhelming odds and triumphed - before ultimate betrayal and defeat by the forces of light and our own vampiric stupidty. Now we are back to rouse our loyal FIRST LEGION and finish the fight.
SQUADRONEERS, LEGIONNAIRES, DENIZENS OF THE SUBTERRANEAN REICH. ARISE!
YOUR TIME HAS FINALLY COME.....
JAMES DUKE FANG
As the mighty metal lungs of STUKA SQUADRON, JAMES DUKE FANG should need no introduction. Who can forget his performance as Pedrillo in Die Entführung aus dem Serail at the Hofburgtheater (1782-3 season)? Or better still his Egisto in Europa riconosciuta at La Scala (1778-9 season)? Everyone it seems. Humans have such short memories.
JAMES DUKE FANG's opera skills remain undimmed, but were honed in the fires of THE GREAT UNPLEASANTNESS (1939-45), in which he was appointed Geschwaderkommodore of the unit known only as STUKA SQUADRON.
Following THE UNFORTUNATE DELAY TO OUR ULTIMATE VICTORY in 1945 he was despatched by U-boat to Japan to assist another Axis power. After their own victory WAS LIKEWISE POSTPONED he remained in Japan where he became fluent in Japanese, consumed a variety of oysters and learned the secrets of Ninjutsu. Later he travelled extensively in Australia, where he developed his METAL vocal skills at the legendary PORPHYRIA METAL TRAINING ACADEMY.
Fun Fact: JAMES DUKE FANG was UNFORTUNATELY STAKED late in 2016.
On reflection this may have occurred because he PERFORMED IN A VAMPIRE BAND which was FAMOUS FOR BEING VAMPIRES (naysayers and idiots are always going on about 'the masquerade' and not telling people and stuff - we laugh in their faces and say "HA! Stupid vampire!").
Actually this fact was not at all fun for JAMES DUKE FANG but was enjoyed by the others.
JAMES DUKE FANG - VOCALS
GRAVEDIGGER COX - LEAD GUITAR
GRAVEDIGGER COX was born in the eighteenth century. He was a dlilettante, card sharp, consumer of absinthe and laudanum, lotus eater and inveterate rake. Old habits die hard and he has continued these careers until the present day.
Around GRAVEDIGGER COX no woman is safe, no bottle remains undrunk and no narcotic supply unplundered - for he remains insatiable. Called 'the wild one' by the other SQUADRON members, he was dicsiplined on numerous occasions for his fast lifestyle but remains unstoppable. Others such as SIR GRAVEGHOUL TERRORSOUND can only look in awe on as he consumes all before him.
Joining THE SQUADRON in 1936 he won the IRON CROSS FIRST CLASS at the Battle of Stalingrad. Amazing what a vampire can do with a two handed sword if you put him somewhere smart like on a bridge. It took hours to get all the stupid little bits of lead out of him though. Later we wrote a song about it that got SONG OF THE YEAR in CLASSIC ROCK MAGAZINE. No big deal.
More recently he has used his PRETERNATURAL VAMPIRE SPEED to play BLISTERING AMAZING GUITAR SOLOS in STUKA SQUADRON.
Fun Fact: He is called 'Gravedigger Cox' because he was a gravedigger. That caused some controversy when he was hunted as THE HIGHGATE VAMPIRE in the 1970s.
SIR GRAVEGHOUL TERRORSOUND - PITTED!
SIR GRAVEGHOUL TERRORSOUND
SIR GRAVEGOUL TERRORSOUND is an ancient vampire, created in the labyrinth of Syracuse under the legendary KING MINOS. His fate was supposedly punishment for enchanting the luscious PRINCESS THANET OF CARTHAGE, thereby provoking the infamous WAR OF THE EARWIG. After this calamitous and basically unnecessary event which resulted in the deaths of hundreds of thousands of people, numerous ancient tribes worshipped him as a malevolent deity.
As SIR GRAVEGOUL TERRORSOUND persists to infest the world today, while PRINCESS THANET is largely forgotten, as is KING MINOS. He is sanguine about his supposed punishment, claiming that "needless to say, I had the last laugh".
With his blonde flowing locks and astonishingly muscled torso, SIR GRAVEGOUL TERRORSOUND remains the glamorous poster boy of vampirism. His role in the STUKA SQUADRON during THE GREAT UNPLEASANTNESS (1939-45) is unfairly said to have been 'all posing about' (Cox).
This is simple envy born of the fact that he was FILMED RELENTLESSLY BY THE PROPAGANDA MINISTRY to make inspiring and motivational movies such as "Safe and happy usage of the 37mm high-velocity cannon". He was rewarded with the IRON CROSS FIRST CLASS WITH OAKLEAVES AND DIAMONDS and an endorsement deal with BRYLCREEM.
Fun Fact: SIR GRAVEGHOUL TERRORSOUND was the inspiration for THE VAMPIRE LESTAT created by ANNE RICE in novels such as "Interview with the Vampire". The author in question is said to "go all wobbly and start giggling" if his name is mentioned (Terrorsound). She has reportedly also been known to pass out on seeing his photograph (Terrorsound again). For the safety of Anne Rice, SIR GRAVEGHOUL TERRORSOUND has kindly requested that nobody test this.
GRAHAM LORD PYRE - BASS GUITAR
GRAHAM LORD PYRE
GRAHAM LORD PYRE's origins are murky. He claims to have fought with THE BLACK PRINCE at the battle of POITIERS in his earliest incarnation and has ridden battlefield after battlefield through several centuries of war.
He was sought after and eventually tracked down by LORD BYRON, who became his companion as he toured the battlefields of nineteenth century Europe. Under Byron's tutelage he developed the poetic skills that he now uses in STUKA SQUADRON and became the model for Polidori's "crappy - I'm nothing like that" (Pyre) 'The Vampyre'.
LORD PYRE was one of the key commanders of THE STUKA SQUADRON with JAMES DUKE FANG after they met in the THE THULE SOCIETY in 1935. He then fought through THE UNPLEASANTNESS (1939-45) as a leading pilot in the STUKA SQUADRON.
LORD PYRE continues the batle as THE BASS WARRIOR and WORDSMITH in THE STUKA SQUADRON. He remains ever vigilant for the return of the various enemies of THE SQUADRON. Werewolves, Russians, Russian werewolves, thieving record labels and maniac drummers. Also Zabulon. Particularly Zabulon.
Fun fact: LORD PYRE wrote 'TALES OF THE OST' in the full knowledge that 'ost' means 'cheese' to our Scandinavian brethren. The travails of the cheesemonger had long been on his conscience due to an unfortunate dairy-related incident in THE HUNDRED YEARS WAR. Only after intense discussion with JAMES DUKE FANG did he instead opt to tell THE SQUADRON's TALES OF WAR, WOE and GLORY.
And to all the all the other idiot vampires out there... come out, come out wherever you are...
EVIL ERNST THE STORMTROOPER OF DEATH - DRUMS
EVIL ERNST THE STORMTROOPER OF DEATH
EVIL ERNST THE STORMTROOPER OF DEATH was turned to the dark in the trenches of World War I. An anonymous landser with a Prussian regiment, whose name he has obssessively hidden from history, Ernst was assigned to a crack unit of stormtroopers in the lead up to Ludendorf's offensive in 1918. Little did he know that the unit, WALDSTROMM'S DEATH'S HEAD BRIGADE were infected with THE TAINT OF VAMPIRISM.
His suspicions were first aroused that he too was a member of THE UNDEAD when he survived a Phosgene gas attack. He also survived being blown up. And run over by a tank. And shot 15 times. In the head. Lacking personal medical experience he remained only 80% sure that he was now A VAMPIRE until, walking back to the German lines following a battle, he was hit by a small piece of flying, stake-shaped wood and WENT DOWN LIKE A ZEPPELIN OVER LONDON.
During the 1930s EVIL ERNST THE STORMTROOPER OF DEATH was the first name on the list when it was decided to once again form a unit of COMPLETELY UNSTOPPABLE STORMTROOPERS to counter the Russian unit VLADIMIR ILYICH'S WEREWOLF WOMEN OF LENINGRAD. As ever the troops were asked to deal with many unexpected tasks, including AN EXPEDITION TO THE ARCTIC TO FIND THE HOLLOW EARTH and he was later deployed to SPAIN as part of the KONDOR LEGION.
Following THE GREAT UNPLEASANTNESS (1939-45), in which he took great pleasure in flying THE JU87-D STUKA, EVIL ERNST THE STORMTROOPER OF DEATH accompanied various VIPs and members of the armed forces on their VOLUNTARY RELOCATION TO NEW GERMANY, in countries previously known as Uruguary and Argentina. Quickly tiring of life as the burgomaster of a New Bavarian town in Uruguary he sought new battles throughout the continent. He now returns to battle with THE SQUADRON to wrong rights and settle old scores.
Fun fact: EVIL ERNST THE STORMTROOPER OF DEATH continues to conceal his identity from all including other members of THE SQUADRON. This plan has saved him from ASSASSINATION BY WEREWOLVES on at most one occasion. However it also meant that he has NOT BEEN PAID since April 1918, as nobody knows where to send the cheques. Because his undead nature was recorded by the REICHARCHIV service he is also still listed as 'active' by the German army.
He is owed approximately 32 millon Reichsmarks, 92 pfennigs, but refuses to divulge his identity to the German authorities. The other members of THE SQUADRON find this somewhat frustrating (except GRAVEDIGGER COX who isn't sure which one he is).